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Match Recap + Reflection | 20240305

I played a league match and lost a close one 4-6, 6-7 (3). Here is a breakdown of my strokes, strategies, mindset and overall reflection.

Serve (1-5) — 2
Streaky. I didn’t feel confident on my serve. This led to a higher number of double faults and a lot of second guessing on serve.

Forehand (1-5) — 3
Was a weapon at mid court, pretty steady but a liability when I tightened up and tried to force it. Success at disguising direction and placing winners from inside baseline.

Backhand (1-5) — 2
Tighter than I had played earlier in the day, which put a lot of short balls to his lefty FH. Still solid enough to rally and dictate, but again lost consistency when tryin to put the ball away/win/force the point.

Volleys (1-5) — 3
I came forward more due to getting a slice off his BH and did a good job of closing and hitting clean volleys. I didn’t move him quite enough and I occasionally took my eye off the ball, especially when looking for a winner. Closed well, but got lobbed a lot, he had good defense.

Overheads (1-5) — 3
They were great until they weren’t. I knew I’d get lobbed a lot based on many of our points and did a good job handling mid-court overheads. I’d have to hit a few in a row and did a good job (especially in the first set) winning those points. Second set, I dropped my head more and missed more.

Routine (1-5) — 1
Frankly I didn’t use my routine at all. In between points I simply tried to talk myself back into focusing, but tried to rely on combatting negative self talk, instead of using a routine to reset.

Mental (1-5) — 1/2
Similar to lack of routine, I went into this match feeling very tired and weak and instead of trying to let go and be present, I beat myself up and bullied myself into fighting harder. Ultimately, I let my emotions be more important than coming back to the present and playing one point at a time. I often felt like I wasn’t ready to play the point and then we were in it.
* I blew a 5-2 lead in the second set and the story I kept telling myself was that I always let them back in, or I can’t just close it out, or here we go again. There were a lot of streaks in points that were always one short of winning and then ended up at deuce. So the macro played out in the micro, where I focused more on the story than on the ball. I think this was my biggest issue and the reason I lost.

Stories:
I can’t find my serve today
I always miss the put-away/winner/last ball
I can’t keep my eye on the ball
I don’t have the legs to keep running for these lobs
I should be able to hit this guy off the court
Why can’t I consistently win points/Why am I so streaky?

Reflection:
I let my emotions get the better of me. I showed up with a defeated and tired mindset and my self talk skewed negative the entire match. There wasn’t much self encouragement and I spent a lot of mental focus and energy on combatting those stories and unhelpful self talk. Frankly, it was energy I didn’t have to spare.

I also want to add this perspective. I had trained hard twice already that day and spent time teaching on court and had been on site since 10am. So I wasn’t in the best shape to play a 7p singles match. I tend to be really hard on myself and I think being so tired and then getting angry capitalized what energy I had and at some point I stopped trying to fight those demons and just play, but I still felt carried away by frustration and anger and that bubbled up to the surface and I acted in ways that I don’t want to behave. It felt like my tennis mindset from juniors where I played out of fear and perfection and expected that I should win every point and that losing points and matches said something about my identity. It is interesting how quickly all that came back when I let it in the door. I also was trying a new racket, which maybe wasn’t the best decision if I didn’t feel confident in my body.

Also, my opponent played well. He stayed in points, he defended well, his slice, lobs and flat forehand worked well for him and didn’t break down in either set.

Plan:
If we were to meet each other again, I’d try and manage my energy better prior to the match, but mostly, I’d lean on a routine. I’d pick something that I would do between every point and if I forgot, I’d come back to it on the next one. I think that level of consistency in not focusing on my thoughts, feelings and stories, but on resetting and coming back to the present would be more effective than trying to use that time to combat my mental chatter. I’d also like to try to use encouraging self talk to build myself up rather than point out flaws and mistakes. If I am going to constantly be chattering on in my mind, at least it could be helpful.

Final Thoughts:
It was a tough match and I felt ashamed that I lost my cool in the second set. I was disappointed in myself for succumbing to negativity and acting out by shouting, cursing and having negative body language. I also think it was a great learning experience to see what breaks down when I am exhausted. It really wasn’t my body despite being tired, what I lost was the battle with my thoughts. I think a routine is a great way to stop getting pulled into those stories at all and I think some encouragement would go a long way for someone who is naturally hard on himself.

Losses teach you more than wins.

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Being of Service

Tennis is a big part of my life and has been for many years. I first picked up a racket when I was around 9 or so and to this day I can be found on a tennis court almost 4 days a week.

I’ve always wanted to be a tennis pro. When I was about nine, I visited some family on Cape Cod and that is when I first found tennis. I can still remember this one pro who was just the coolest dude around. He had the club polo, the crisp white shorts, the shaggy hair and club cap and he could hit all the shots and had great energy and just seemed so chill and confident in his game. I remember being awestruck by his talent and composure and general cool factor. Only now do I realize he was probably a local college player, home for the summer to teach us urchins how to play, but to a young, toe-headed eager player, he was a rockstar.

My second coach was Ron, he was a middle-aged coach based in central Florida and forever wearing aviator sunglasses perched atop a stellar, Tom Selleck-style stache, and sporting the typical 1980’s gym teacher shorts that exposed more thigh than is really necessary. He was another level of cool, he was cut of the same cloth as the Top Gun fighter pilots and he looked the part even if it was 1992. He was a bulldog of a player and a tough coach and I only got to see him twice a year, but he, almost single-handedly got me good enough to make my high school team in New Orleans and to play in some junior tournaments…I had wanted to go to the prestigious Bollettieri Academy, but we couldn’t afford it, so on trips to visit my grandparents in Stuart, Florida, I got to hit with Ron. I remember training with Ron from about age 10 – 17 and every summer and Christmas I would get to visit my grandparents and get reps with Ron.

In high school there wasn’t much coaching available so we ran practices ourselves and showed up to matches and in all honesty the most challenging part of playing in the New Orleans Public School league, was not getting stabbed after the match. The private school kids didn’t threaten us with knives, they just destroyed us on court…so that was special, but at least it didn’t require stitches.

I wasn’t good enough to make any college teams and gave up on tennis for awhile, before coming back to it about ten years ago while I was living in Central Florida (but sadly, not hitting with Ron). I had the wrong equipment and an unhealthy lifestyle that compounded with my technique of trying to murder every shot and resulted in a solid case of tennis elbow that got bad enough that I couldn’t hold a glass of water. So I stepped away again, for about a few years and battled depression, anxiety and alcoholism during that whole period of injury and despite some seriously dark thoughts, the idea of never playing tennis again was one of the things that kept me from entertaining some of those suicidal thoughts. After some sad, yet necessary darker times in Florida, I moved to California and rediscovered tennis again in 2012. There I found a great group of players that I now call some of my closest friends. I started playing league tennis and finding a competitive outlet again. I played constantly and honed my skills and we all moved up the ratings together. Even though I had moved to a new state I had not really left my problems behind as I had hoped and fell back into alcohol abuse, which put me right back in the worst of it in a matter of months. Tennis once again became a refuge for me as my drinking finally caught up with me again and I was forced to face some cold, personal and legal truths…I found support in the community of players and was able to rely on those relationships to help me through more dark times. These people will likely never know how much they helped me keep moving forward in life and recovery.

In sobriety, I found my skills improving rapidly (duh). I spent more time on court and continued to improve in competition and in league play. While every person I play with helps my game and my life in some way, there were a few specific players who dedicated time and energy into my game and both the quality of my tennis and my life improved dramatically.  I am so proud to call these people some of my closest friends. With this confidence and support I found the courage to apply for a teaching position and am now teaching out of the very same club I found when I first moved to California.

While teaching isn’t as romantic as I remember or imagined as a kid, I am finding a deep sense of satisfaction from teaching and sharing my passion for tennis with others. There is something meaningful for me in being a part of someone else’s success and sharing in the joy of discovering a new shot, new ability or improvement. There is also a piece of me that feels indebted to the sport and giving back through teaching and coaching makes me feel like I have found a purpose I’ve been seeking for a long time.

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Zoom Out

There is so much more that unites us than divides us if we are willing to shift our perspective and focus on the macro instead of the micro.

This morning I found myself scrolling through Instagram as I tend to do when I am waiting more than .008 seconds for something else to finish. I got caught up in that game we play on social media and perhaps in life…The Comparison Game.

I looked at every person who was posting content and immediately compared myself to them. I noted their number of followers, their physique, lifestyle and all the details we glean from looking at someone else’s carefully crafted content and then I looked at myself, in all the dark, insecure places and found myself lacking…how could I not? It will never be fair to make a comparison based on incomplete information…and here’s the thing…I’ll never have the same amount of info about someone else as I will about myself and that means that I will always be wrong in my comparison whether I ‘win’ or ‘lose’ the matchup.

So back to this morning when I was feeling insecure and sorry for myself, I realized that (as the saying goes) I was looking at it through a microscope instead of a telescope. So I zoomed out. Instead of looking at all the detail and thinking about what I didn’t have by comparison, I started seeing what was behind the end result in that post. The values that drive that person to pursue their passion and tell their story, the feelings they must have had to get where they are in the moment captured before me and the struggles they had to overcome. Suddenly, we are not so different. I have my own set of values, feelings and struggles and if you think in terms of comparing on the macro level we really all are the same. If you find differences, zoom out until you can’t find any more and start your comparison there…see if that changes your insecurity and isolation into connection and inspiration. The other side of comparison is tricky too, since our egos all love to feel better than someone at something.

Taking this principle from social media and into the world can give us empathy we didn’t knew we possessed. For example, if I look at someone living on the streets, I can feel great about myself and how accomplished I am and all the other ways that we are different because it scares me to think that we could be similar as I am unwilling to trade places with them. But if I zoom out and think about the times that I felt lost, didn’t have a place to go or know what to do next, then I can empathize a bit more. If I zoom out even further, we are both alive, breathing, human beings, in that regard we are exactly the same, now it isn’t about comparing to focus on how we measure up to each other, but about how we can connect with one another because at some level, aren’t we all the same? 

So if we must compare ourselves to others, rather than to who we were yesterday, then let’s zoom out until we see what connects us rather than divides us.

Because we are all in this together.